Most families seem to have at least one “whacky” uncle. You know, the one who is always asking to borrow money to cover gambling debts, can’t seem to hold down a job, plays fast and loose wit the truth and tells the worst jokes. (I may have also just described your congressman.) Most families simply avoid inviting him to Labor Day barbeques. North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has an uncle like that too. Actually, he had an uncle like that. That uncle, Jang Song Thaek, is now deceased after Kim Jong-un had him tried, convicted and executed for gambling, womanizing, and treason. Except for that last part, it certainly describes one of my uncles.
But wait, as they say in those TV commercials, there’s more! According to the official news release by the official news agency of official country of North Korea, Jang was also guilty of other scandalous crimes against the state. In fact, during the “historic Third Conference” where Kim Jong-un was elected vice-chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers’ Party of Korea (that’s a mouthful!), Jang was found to be deficiently enthusiastic. Insufficient clapping, I think, was the official charge.
Further, when given the task of having the contents of a letter from Kim Jong-un engraved at the front of the xxxxx building, he chose to have it placed in an unobtrusive corner of the building. That, in western parlance, could be construed as a snub.
I suspect there may have been one other heinous crime that Jang committed. I think he possible took a cue from Barack Obama’s Organizing for Action group and had the healthcare talk during a family meal. That would have most families considering a firing squad.
Some analysts of North Korea in the west suggest that this whole affair indicates poor judgment on the part of Kim Jong-un – to let Jang consolidate so much power that he felt it required such extreme action. Poor judgment? Heck, he pals around with Dennis Rodman. If that doesn’t scream poor judgment, I don’t know what does.
And a note of caution to Mr. Rodman, if he starts calling you Uncle Dennis, that should be your cue to leave quickly.
Let us recall that it was just a few weeks earlier that Kim Jong-un had his former girlfriend executed. I think that might hinder his desirability just a bit on some of the internet dating websites. Fortunately, he still seems to be quite the catch SingleDespots.com, despite the fact that he is well on his way to winning the Worst Haircut by a Dictator Since Hitler award for the third consecutive year. Traffic at the website has been a bit slow. I believe it’s the one of a handful of websites in the world that has fewer registrations than healthcare.gov.
None of this would probably matter much if it wasn’t for the fact that North Korea has a nuclear bomb. On a whim, Kim Jong-un could decide that the country of South Korea was guilty of insufficient clapping and wipe it off the map. This would be devastating to the world, not to mention me and my fellow Hyundai owners.