There are a few intertwined topics that come up regularly in the BDSM world, mostly because they offer Dominants in particular a very heady way to exercise control in the dynamic. Those terms are:
- “Erotic Hypnosis” – the action that makes it all happen
- “Mental Orgasms” – one desired result
- “Psychological Edge Play” – a general way to refer to it all which is useful because it at least implies it’s something to be approached with great care
Most generally reliable sources will point out that this kind of play must be approached with extreme caution, because it is far too easy to cause significant damage that doesn’t necessarily heal quickly, if at all. As a long-time practitioner of psychological edge play, my suggestion is to keep one mantra in mind: “Yes, I can do permanent damage with a word.”
Did I scare you? Good.
I am approaching this like a lecture, with an audience who has been told that when I say something that makes them uncomfortable or unsure about really doing what I’m talking about, they should walk out – and obviously, not try this at home. So, when you get uncomfortable, please move on to something else.
Because there is a great deal of information on these topics, even in an abbreviated form, I’m splitting this into a three part series of articles.
Let’s start with “Erotic Hypnosis.” This is a term that is used to describe hypnosis with an erotic component. Unfortunately, that means people assume that it shouldn’t apply to any situation where a person enters even a slightly altered state of consciousness thanks to erotic suggestions. That means there are a lot of people out there trying to do far more than they need to do, and significantly increasing the probability that they will cause harm to others. To put it in perspective, think about the difference between impact play with a flogger, where someone turns a person’s skin red without welts, and the same kind of play that draws blood. Huge difference.
Before getting into Erotic Hypnosis, ask yourself one question: Why do I want to do this?
We all know the “holy grail” on this one, right? You want to cause someone to have orgasms on command, right? Admit it. That’s just so cool!
Don’t. Just don’t bother going into this if that is your primary goal. Erotic Hypnosis shouldn’t be any different than any other kind of play, assuming that you’re already operating on the concept of approaching everything as a journey. There are no real goals, other than to deepen the relationship you have, increase intensity of feeling, and find greater depths of intimacy through Dominance and submission. So, just like anything else, the first step is to reach the shallow end of “sub-space” through just words.
And about those words. Leave pain and negativity out of this kind of play, period. Full stop.
Yes, there are other people who suggest that you can use slight humiliation, degradation, or pain in Erotic Hypnosis. I’m not one of them. If you want that, go search for it somewhere else.
While I could be mean, and just leave that there, I’m going to explain why. Most people who say you can go into using negative terms and descriptions of painful play in your Erotic Hypnosis sessions say you should use care. (If they don’t, run. Seriously, just run.) They’ll point out that many people have mental “baggage,” and you should use care to avoid it. Nope. Everyone has mental baggage. No one can tell you what all of their mental baggage is when they are fully conscious, because the human mind has a tendency of hiding painful things. It’s called a coping mechanism, and we all have it. You’re thinking about stripping away at least a few layers of that protection, so why would you want to gamble with the possibility of doing real harm to someone you theoretically care deeply about? If you don’t care about that, please move on, now.
As for the mechanics of this, because I am saying that you can and should define Erotic Hypnosis as “causing your partner to enter even a slightly altered state of consciousness due to verbal suggestions,” it really is far easier than most people suggest. That “easier” part can cause its own set of problems, but we’ll get into that shortly. First thing is to remember that you’re playing on some very basic human responses to sexual stimuli. You’ve read erotica, or watched sex scenes on the screen? You’ve gotten aroused? That’s the instinct you’re hitting on here.
You’ve meditated? Daydreamed? Found yourself being startled “awake” because your mind drifted off from the here and now? Again, this is what you’re hoping to cause in your partner. What is calming? Low lights? Music? There is no one size fits all, and initially, it’s probably going to be hit or miss. If you’re doing this in person, you’ll know you’re getting there when you see your partner react to what you’re describing as though you were actually doing it.
Just remember, with repetition, these suggestions will get strongly implanted in your partner’s mind, and may surface when you aren’t right there. A turn of phrase over the phone might have some effect, even when your partner isn’t in an altered state of consciousness. Most people who get into this view that as a feature, not a bug. But, it is important to think about. You don’t want to associate common words or phrases with sexual feelings. Amusing at that might seem, it will end badly.
If you’re dealing with a submissive who uses meditation, self-hypnosis, or the lifestyle in general for pain management, or anxiety relief, it is usually far easier to get to the point where simple words and phrases will cause sexual arousal. That means everything could be much easier, so you should be far more cautious.
When your submissive is not quite in the here and now, just like when in sub-space, do not rely on safe words. Even if you don’t use titles like “Master” or “Mistress” normally, it’s a good idea to do it in this kind of play. Insist on it, and pay attention to when those titles disappear in your submissive’s replies. When you’re hearing your name and stop, or just stop after the titles aren’t being used, assume you just heard the safe word. Stop. It’s better to have a submissive annoyed at you for stopping too soon, than to have a submissive overwhelmed by fear or anything else that you inadvertently unearthed together.
No, this isn’t intended to be a “how-to” for Erotic Hypnosis. This is just a very basic description of how it works, and a simplified start point for exploration. Do not engage in this kind of play with someone you do not trust completely. Even on a very basic level, mental play is edge play. Remember the flogger analogy near the beginning? You’re on the right track if you compare mental play with impact play involving floggers with knotted falls. (In case you don’t know, yes that will draw blood easily.)
Next part will be about Mental Orgasms.
Mental BDSM – Part 1 – Erotic Hypnosis